Coaching skills for everyday life

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

There are many articles written about the benefits of getting coaching. But how can the knowledge of basic coaching tools impact our relationships and everyday communication?

If you often feel powerless or overwhelmed when people talk to you about their issues, these coaching tools might help you transform your communication with others, even if you are not a coach. Your interactions will be much more impactful, you will not feel drained, and the person you talk to will feel heard and empowered. Everybody wins!

1.Designing the conversation 

Do you find it frustrating when people talk to you about their challenges but never follow your advice? Maybe your advice was never what they needed. What you can do instead of suggesting what they could do is ask the person what they need from you: Is it your opinion? Safe space to vent? Hearing about your experience? Once you are on the same page, you don’t end up feeling responsible for doing all the work of guessing what the other person needs and giving all your energy into covering all the possible scenarios.

Example: “That sounds like a challenging situation! I’m here for you. What do you need from me right now?”

2.Asking for permission

Many blog rants were written about unsolicited advice and for good reasons. If you catch your brain doing all the heavy-lifting of problem-solving for the other person, maybe it’s time to pause and ask them if your advice is what they are looking for. We coaches believe that all our clients are fully capable of finding a solution to their problems. All that is needed is to offer them a safe space to experience how they feel, reflect, and reconnect with what resonates with them. If you jump into providing solutions, you might cut them off from the process of figuring out their way of dealing with their situation and eventually even feel resentful if they don’t follow your advice.

Example: “Wow, you look upset. I feel the urge to give you advice, but I’m not sure if that’s what you are looking for right now. What do you need?”

3.Powerful questions

As I have previously written in my separate article on powerful questions, asking powerful questions is one of the simplest ways to offer space for others to take charge and be creative in figuring out how to deal with their challenge. As opposed to a yes/no question, a powerful question is open and created at the moment based on what the other person shares with us. For instance, saying, “What a situation! How do you feel about it?” offers much more space for the other person to feel and share their feelings than saying, “Oh, that sucks! If I were you, I would just quit!” and asking “What do you think about doing?” gives more space to finding creative solutions than “Have you thought of quitting?”

4. Active listening

When people talk about heavy topics to us, many of us feel very uncomfortable and don’t know what to say. If you are pressuring yourself to “say the right thing” or make the other person feel better, try to let it go because if you are thinking about the perfect thing to say, you might not be fully present. Carefully listen to the other person and notice everything they say with words, tone, facial expression, and body. Some situations can’t be “fixed” or felt better about, but people in such cases usually seek understanding rather than a solution. Just be there for them and let them feel what they feel.

Example: “That sounds like a massive challenge. I’m listening.”

5. Naming what’s going on

This is a part of active listening. What makes a person feel understood and accepted? Being genuinely heard and seen. Just name what you notice when they talk. It can be as simple as saying, “You seem very upset. It looks like this is very important for you.” Every person longs for connection and understanding. And once we feel understood, we feel less alone and empowered to acknowledge and experience our feelings and ultimately move forward.

6.Giving acknowledgments

You would be surprised how many of my coaching clients are completely unaware of their positive impact. What they are always aware of, though, are their perceived flaws and past mistakes. Therefore, I firmly believe there is never enough acknowledgement we can give to people we interact with! How to do that? Just name what you genuinely appreciate/admire about the person you talk to and see what kind of magic happens ;-)

Example: “I’m inspired by what you just said. You are great at articulating your thoughts.”

Summary

As you can see, all these tools are very simple, and they can help transform our interactions. Most of the time, a safe space where we feel heard and accepted is all we need to move forward with any challenge. In cultures focused on constant efficiency and problem-solving, finding a safe space to acknowledge what’s going on and genuinely reflect on what it means for us can be extremely difficult. That is why using these tools can make such a difference.