What makes people successful in creating change
Photo by Bankim Desai on Unsplash
Most people can significantly change their lives when they don't have much to lose. When my coaching clients share their past stories of the moments in their lives when they made a radical change and courageously stepped into the unknown, many of them add in one breath that making such a change was possible for them because their situation was unbearable. They moved to a new country because there were no career opportunities for them in their country of origin. They quit their job because of severe burnout.
While it's great if we are able to make a change when it's absolutely necessary, one wonders why it sometimes feels impossible to take the leap every time we need to make our lives more fulfilling and aligned with who we want to be. We've made it so far in life, and we seem to know what we are doing, so why don't we trust ourselves to take full charge and responsibility and do what's needed?
I believe that being able to radically change our life without being desperate is a real superpower - just imagine a world where no one would feel stuck, trapped, or paralyzed, and we would all courageously stand up for what's important to us and make all the adjustments necessary for us to genuinely thrive! Unfortunately, that's not the world we currently live in, at least not all of us. And that's also one of my drivers as a coach, as acquiring and nurturing this priceless skill is a fundamental part of my clients' coaching journeys.
So, the question is: What makes some individuals change-resistant while others can proactively initiate and sustain change, even when it's not a dire necessity?
Let's explore the common obstacles that often hinder change and discuss some strategies to overcome them.
Every change comes with a cost.
Change is painful, and that's a universal truth.
When we decide to make a significant change in our lives, it often comes with a cost – the sacrifice of the familiar, the comfort of routine, and the security of the known. This is where the dichotomy of saying yes to something new and saying no to the existing situation becomes apparent. For instance, the decision to leave a stable but unfulfilling job means bidding farewell to financial security, a good relationship with a manager, and perhaps even a yearly bonus. However, it also means turning away from the dissatisfaction, lack of growth, and missed opportunities that might be waiting in the unexplored territory.
The paradox lies in the fact that while the decision to make a change might seem obvious from an outsider's perspective, the emotional toll it takes can be profound. The fear of the unknown, the discomfort associated with leaving the known behind, and the pain of letting go of what seems secure can be overwhelming. Yet, those who successfully navigate these challenges often possess a unique quality – the ability to embrace change without being driven to it by desperation.
Change is a step into the unknown.
The fear of uncertainty can be paralyzing. Stepping into the unknown can feel like navigating through a dense fog without a clear path ahead. Successful change-makers acknowledge this fear but recognize that growth and new opportunities often lie beyond the veil of familiarity. Embracing discomfort and viewing the unknown as a part of the process that enables us to grow rather than a threat can be a powerful mindset shift.
It seems overwhelming.
Change often requires effort – learning new skills, adapting to a different environment, or building new relationships. The prospect of additional work can be daunting, especially when weighed against the comfort of the status quo. However, reframing the perspective to see this effort as an investment in personal and professional development can make the journey more palatable. Plus, What's more difficult: Staying in a situation that does not serve us or doing the work with a vision of a more fulfilling, authentic life?
There is too much pressure to "make it right."
The desire for perfection can be paralyzing. The pressure to make the perfect decision or to execute a flawless plan can hinder progress. Successful change-makers recognize that perfection is an unattainable standard and are willing to embrace imperfection. Taking small, manageable steps and learning from mistakes becomes a more sustainable approach.
Not believing we deserve a better life.
A lack of self-worth or the belief that one doesn't deserve a better life can be a powerful barrier to change. This often stems from deep-seated beliefs and experiences. Building self-confidence through self-reflection and seeking support from a coach or a therapist can be instrumental in overcoming this hurdle.
For example, for many of my coaching clients, the main obstacle in seriously considering a change is their guilt for not being "grateful enough" for what they already have. Or, they have an ambitious idea that seems to them "too idealistic or naive" to be taken seriously. It takes work to untangle the old stories that keep my clients stuck and take an honest look at what's a real obstacle in moving forward vs. what's the familiar calling of their comfort zone, which is, it turns out, not that comfortable after all.
In conclusion, the ability to make positive and proactive changes in life, even without being pushed to the edge of desperation, is a superpower. It requires a combination of self-awareness, resilience, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. By acknowledging the pain associated with change, reframing negative perceptions, and nurturing a belief in one's ability to create a better future, people can unlock their potential for transformative change. It might all sound like a lot of hard work, but the reward for strengthening our mental muscles to gain this superpower is our capability of being fully in charge of our life, no matter what the future brings. We can let go of overthinking what we can't influence and focus on what's genuinely important. And if that's not freeing, I don't know what is.